tarnishedspace

Am I scared? That was what I asked myself when I attended the grad school orientation earlier today. The academic atmosphere never bothers me at all, but there's this apprehension which almost relentlessly snaked up my spine for some galactical reason. Unfamiliar territory, I guess. Or, maybe, the people. I would expect that the people there are academically brilliant; it's The University of All Universities in the country, anyway. So am I troubled about not being able to keep up? Probably. But I so damn know myself. I am over that stage, and I don't intend to make a trip back to the yesteryears of my academic insecurity. Nevertheless, I can't deny that I am a bit apprehensive. I just can tell. However, I know that the paths would never have led me to what I am about to pursue now if this dream were not meant for me.

I would just consider this one of the birth pains.

This is it.

tarnishedspace

I was shaking after reading the email sent to me by the Most Prestigious, if not, One of the Two More Prestigious Universities in the country. Then for a moment, it felt surreal.

Truth: I've always wanted to study in that school. There was even an attempt to transfer to that school during college but it didn't prosper due to practical reasons. Several times the guilt of not even trying my chance in that glorious a university right after high school haunted me like nightmares. 

But that's all behind me now. The elusiveness of what was thought impossible has been defied; I am getting ready for grad school! 

I am just happy. 

Currently feeling: cheerful

Miss B walks right into the lab, her eyes slightly swollen like she cried the night before, her cheeks starting to show signs of swelling, was obviously late, and apparently shaken.

"Alam mo bang pinagbuhatan ako ng kamay ng tito ko kagabi dahil sinabi kong hindi maganda yung ginagawa nya sa kapatid nya?"

And I just wasn't able stop myself from letting out a gasp of horror.

"Akalain mong hanggang alas-tres ng madaling araw kanina eh nagkakagulo kami dahil sa kagagawan nya?"

She proceeded to tell me about how her uncle was asking his sister to sign a certain document that would make him a sort of employee (a ghost employee in short) in the department she (the aunt) was working in, and how she (Miss B) did not agree to that... And how she took that blow to the face that also landed a spot in her poor old lola who happened to be standing behind her, and how they both fell to the ground.

Miss B was trying really hard to fight back tears, as she sort of struggled to tell me how she really wanted to fight back, but then, she remembered her condition (she had an operated right shoulder [all the way to her breast, actually] that might receive more blows) and her grandmother who might get in the middle of the brawl.

...and I'm still quite shaking until now.

Currently listening to: Just A Dream ~ Nelly

attribbidda

It's only been months, but I feel like it's been a year (probably more).

I've never thought I'd be feeling more at peace with myself.

Now, I kinda know what I want:

I'm not going to ask for things for myself anymore. I'm asking for the betterment of his life: that things would get in line so he could finally free himself from the situation that he's in. Never mind if we'll be together or not, I just hope that his life gets better, period.

My lil' bro's been acting a little waaay to weird these days, I wonder what's up?

jjcobwebb

Pag naging kayo pala ng isang tao, parang normal lang. Kala ko kasi pag nagkajowa laging magkasama and all. Laging lumalabas, date etc. Hindi pala ganun yun. Kahit di pala kayo magkasama araw araw, mararamdaman mong andiyan lang siya para sa yo kahit wala siya physically. Yun nga lang talaga, committed ka na and bawal na makipagflirt sa iba. Hindi naman issue sa kin yun. Kasi alam ko sa sarili ko I can be the most faithful partner ever. I trust my partner... sometimes. Hindi naman maalis mag doubt kahit papaano. I'm still learning.

Pag naging kayo na rin pala ng isang tao, hindi mo na siya iiistalk! Hahaha! Hindi ka na rin super sweet at super tanong kung ano gawa nila ganito ganun. Iba pala pag naging kayo. Parang kampante ka na sa sarili mo. Baket pa iiistalk eh partner mo na nga? Baket magsusuper tanong eh ikukwento rin naman sayo? Baket kailangan lagi magkasama kung puso niyo naman magkalapit? Ayiii! Hahaha! Narealize ko yun. Pag sigurado ka na pala sa lugar mo sa isang tao, lumalawak pag-iisip mo. Grabe! Ako ba toh? Hahaha!

I'm still learning Mr. T! First ko toh. Yung mga nakasanayan ko hindi pala applicable pag may partner na. Nagiging best friends levels na pala kayo ng partner mo. Ganun pala yun. Kala ko kasi dati puro sweet sweetan lang. Matutunan mo rin palang sumunod sa utos ng partner mo. Na hindi ako ang laging may say at laging tama. Dalawa na pala kayo ngayon so kailangan talagang sumunod kahit ayaw ko minsan. Hahaha!

Ayoko malaman ng buong mundo ang tungkol sa atin. Ayoko na ng ganung eksena. Masyadong Subtle Bliss yun. Hahaha! 2012 na at 26 na ko! Natutunan ko na mga mali ko and mali talaga ako noon. Siguro Mr. T! excited ka sa picture namin together noh? Hahaha! Who knows baka topakin ako isang beses magpost ako ng pic namin! Hahaha! Pero mukhang matatagalan pa.

Natutunan ko na rin pala mag-isip kung san magdedate, manonood ng sine, kakain, magweweekend. Hahaha! Dati kasi ang gusto ko num ako yung dinadala mung san san at sasama na lang ako. Narealize ko, mas bata sa kin partner ko. Wala siyang masyadong alam sa mga lugar lugar. I should know better First time niya ngang mag Obar kasama ako eh. Hahaha! Sira ulo talaga ko minsan.

Yan muna Mr. T! I love ya, I enjoy ya and I still appreciate ya! Mwah!